He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
