The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
