I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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