he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
