Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
