I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
