I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
