Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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