oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize