these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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