3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
where am i from again
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
