So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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