I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
