I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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