How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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