Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
