sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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