but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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