i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
