Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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