got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
