i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
