and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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