And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
