census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
