forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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