I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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