I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
