All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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