He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
