So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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