Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
