"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
