my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
