I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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