R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
