My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
