Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
