D3 body, D1 cock
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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