You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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