I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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