at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
