With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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