Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
