Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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