we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
