So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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