Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
