last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Houston, we have a blender
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
