you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
