Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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