the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
