Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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