You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
