We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
