The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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