What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
