I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
