Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
