I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
