Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
