Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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