Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
