Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
