Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
