no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I need moral support for this bender
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
