You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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