I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
