i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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