Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
