the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize