I wanna passion pit in your ass
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
