This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
where are my eyebrows?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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