Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
