life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
